The Great Indian Shaadinama

'Beta, bas graduation kar lo phir rishta dekhna start kardengey' , '25+ ladkiyon ke liye bahut zaroori hai shaadi karna aur ladkon ka toh thoda bahut aagey piche chal bhi jaata hai' , these are some of the dialogues which mostly our parents but more than them 'aas pados ke log' and our 'rishtedaar starts saying. Marriage is an integral part of life but what Indians do is that they create it as the pedestal for everything else related to life. Sometimes our immediate family realize this(or we make them realize forcefully) but the pressure created by so-called society dooms it all. What i believe is that we as the society are not developed yet(which we think we are) if we take into consideration different parameters. Indian people are obesessed with marriages, someone please make them understand it is not the sole aim of life and death. Parents are completely fair on their part for being worried about our marriages as we are their responsibility and they want us to see 'settled'. When i am using this word 'settle', so is the wedlock only source of getting settled. If we take a panoramic view of marriage culture in India what happens is that for boys making themselves financially and professionally stable becomes the priority and then the question of marriage is taken up, in the case of girls the entire concept of 'settlement' is grounded on marriage and all the other aspects education, job, finance, independence is seen from the lens of marriage perspective. 'In-laws job karayengey toh bahut badhiya hai varna kya zarurat hai', a large majority of girls are taught this by their parents and elderly near and dear ones.
It cannot be denied that boys are pressurized for marriage when they reach an 'appropriate age' but the experiences of a girl are completely different from a guy's. The level of pressure which a girl faces, the 'shaadinama' which again and again echoed is to her right after the time she completes her graduation(in many cases also at the level of undergrad) is not faced by a boy of the same age with that gravity.
I think we need to change, we need to transform our thought process there is a need to see things in different course of ideas. Parents should give girls and boys the equal opportunity and time to realize for them that what is the right time for them to get married or even whether they want to get married or not. These ideas seem radical from perspective of Indian society but this is gradually becoming the reality and i believe this is the right way. As individuals irrespective of gender we should be given the freedom to decide for ourselves. I would suggest that this culture of shaadinama should be shunned away and parents should encourage their children to get settled first in the true sense of the word and then let their children decide that what is the right time for them to get married.

I would also urge each one of you that when next time your parents and relatives start with the shaadinama explain them politely to redefine their ideas about marriage. If they understand, good ! and if they don't keep trying your luck as no new idea is digested and absorbed easily.

Divine...is what this poem can be called !

This poem written by Amritanshu Sharma is profound, divine and kindled in me some kind of spark. This poem was recited to me by him few days ago, the stunning thought behind the poem and the soul and meaning in every word left me enthralled. So, i thought to share this beautiful piece of poetry with all of you...

Do read it please...its worth it !

है अमित छाप या अर्जित शाप, दोनों से ही शर्मिंदा हूँ
अधरों में फंसे हुए प्राण, शायद अब तक भी जिंदा हूँ

कुछ खेल खिलौने होते थे, मखमली बिछौने होते थे,
जब शाम सुहानी ढलती तो फिर स्वप्न पिरोने होते थे.
उस छुपा छुपी से थकी हुई जो गुज़र गयी वो निद्रा हूँ,
अधरों में फंसे हुए प्राण, शायद अब तक भी जिंदा हूँ

वो वक़्त अनोखा होता था, जो हवा का झोंका होता था,
उस वेग को हमने अपने हाथों से रोक होता था,
क्या गर्वित थे! क्यूँ गर्वित थे?
क्या गर्जन थी! क्यों गर्जन थी?
आँखें झुकना भूली न थी पर सीना चौड़ा होता था
वो कल परसों ही की हुई फतह का आज बाशिंदा हूँ
अधरों में फंसे हुए प्राण शायद ही अब मैं जिंदा हूँ

कुछ समय से कुछ अधुरा हो गया हूँ
काफी ऊँची तान भरा करता था मैं पर,
अब थोड़ा बेसुरा हो गया हूँ
कितने काम रह गए हैं, जो करने को सब कह गए हैं पर,
अब मन नहीं करता
चंचलता के, उद्यम के बांध तोड़ दिए थे मैंने पर,
पर, अब मैं बूढ़ा हो गया हूँ
जो खुद से खुद हैं डरे हुए मैं हर उस तक की निंदा हूँ
अधरों में फंसे हुए प्राण, शायद ही अब मैं जिंदा हूँ


अमृतांशु